Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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