I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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