I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
