she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
