She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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