Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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