There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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