my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
