this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
