who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
pop tarts are not kleenex
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
