Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
