The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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