Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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