I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
