yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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