No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
