i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
