i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dicks are not precious.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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