my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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