do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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