Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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