why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
