I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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