watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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