whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
