we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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