Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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