Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!