dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
