im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
tell me about the eggs
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
