So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
don't judge my taste in strippers
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
