Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
