literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
