then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
