U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Drunk is not a location!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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