Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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