do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
