I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
