I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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