Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
