just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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