She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
