Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
