She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize