we're chasing vodka with high fives
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
