I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
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Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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