My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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