Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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