Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
