We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
