My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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