Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
