Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
