she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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