but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
