You really coming over, don't trick.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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