Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
