Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
