I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
