Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
