So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
