i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
