I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
