I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
