that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
