I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
