explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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