The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
