Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
