Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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