I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize