you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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