Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
