OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to make a zoo with you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
