so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
