The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
