I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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