im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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