I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
